"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real secure in the no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power."
Do you remember that feeling of when your mom used to drop you off with the babysitter or at daycare, or that feeling you got on the first day of high school, or first night of college? That initial feeling of panic and fear? The one that makes your heart race to your throat, and at any minute you feel you could vomit the imminent fear that inhabits your body and mind. It comes in waves. At some moments leading up to whatever the big event might be, you feel fine, and then others, you couldn't feel more unsettled or anxious no matter how much deep breathing, yoga or meditation you practice. This has been the definition of my life the past months leading up to this large, momentous event in my life. Tears, smiles, anxiety, excitement, and moments of utter terror have all crossed my path leading up to the moment when I looked back at my mom in the airport, waving and thinking that life would be drastically different the next time I see her.
This is the great paradox of life, isn't it? The moment we feel we have it all down, something changes and we are forced to open the next chapter in our lives. For some of us, it's starting a new job, getting married, or moving to another country and others it might be having a new baby, changing careers, going on a celebrity world tour, or travelling on a trip with a new love. For me, it happens to be moving all the way across country. For as far back as my UNH days, I can remember talking about the prospect of moving west. On my trusty check list of things to do in my life, moving west was near the top. What I didn't anticipate in deciding to proceed with this life dream, was the fear factor. That anxious, make you want to vomit, fearing the unknown feeling.
I was on a run the other day thinking about this random fear factor I have been facing the past few months and thought about the two kinds of people in this world. Those that are driven, challenged and excited by their fears and those that are completely paralyzed by it. I have been feeling quite paralyzed in moments throughout this process of moving, but it has not stopped me from chasing my dream towards this instinct to get outside of my comfort and try big things. Now, don't get me wrong. I am scared sh**tless, excuse my language. More so than I ever have in my entire life. But something about that fear and that drive to do something bigger than myself, and bigger for myself, drives me in a way I might never be able to put into words. One large lesson I have learned in this process, is not to anticipate what is to come. All that we can do is participate in the moment at hand, and enjoy every little piece of it we get. For at some point, that moment and the moments making up your current existence, will ultimately end or change into something entirely different.
In the routine of our everyday lives, it is so easy to lose that drive. We go through the motions, sometimes forgetting to appreciate that which we may take for granted. My hope for my entire life to come, is to continue to find and do those things on my checklist of life to drive myself towards bigger and better. Maybe next time it won't be a move cross country, it might be something on a much smaller level. But I desire to always force myself to do, and go and travel outside of my comfort. To face challenge and the fear factor straight in the face, and find power, growth and strength in change.
