It's funny living in LA. It's actually funny living in a place that you are not used to, did not grow up in, and don't entirely understand. I can say, that I am starting to learn about this place and it is making me think about what I want my life to look like. One thing that is extremely hard to miss is the "Hollywood mentality." I am so incredibly close to it out here, I can't help but to ponder what it's all about. We are constantly exposed to the media. TV shows, magazines, tabloids, billboards; it seems that it is always being pushed in our face. However, if I may make a huge/general sweeping statement, I would say that America on the whole (or what is being pushed in our face anyway) is missing "it." It seems that so many people think that life, love and happiness is all rolled into one thing: money, fame and fortune. I tend to think that it is entirely opposite.
Its interesting how certain messages in life come to you at the exact moment you need them, and it always seems that they tend to get louder and louder every time they speak to you. If you have no idea what I mean or am talking about, let me explain. It is no secret that there are multiple stories (eh hem, Sandra Bullock/Jesse James, Tiger Woods, Brad Pitt) about infidelity, divorce, deceit and unfaithfulness in the media. It seems that every week there is a new couple that TV shows and magazines focus on; who cheated, who stole, who broke someone's heart, etc. What the heck is going on? Why are people doing such hurtful awful things? I started thinking about this, way back when all of the madness seemed to call out to me in some way in my own life as well.
I recently attended a church service in where the sermon talked about how many husbands and wives get divorced every year and that we are "missing it." About a week later, a friend recently told me that over 200,000 marriages will end every year before the first two years. And just the other day, I read an article in Psychology Today talking about marriage, expectations, love and our association to it and that we have it a bit backwards. I am starting to see a pattern and a trend, something that the vast majority of Americans tend to miss (I think).
I am beginning to realize that love, marriage and family is not what you see in the movies. It is not what you see on TV. It is not perfect, but actually completely imperfect, which is the biggest paradox of all. Our generation has been tricked. We have set ourselves up with crazy expectations and standards for our mates and our lives. The beautiful romantic movies and love stories we read about have us believing in perfect love. You see, before we even meet the person of our dreams, we have already clearly defined their roles and what they are going to do for us. We have outlined how they are going to fill our needs and live up to our expectations. SHAME ON US! How does this concept allow any two people to ever create anything together that is not located in the tiny box that we have created? We might not even know we have met the person of our dreams because we are too busy trying to match them up to the person we created in our heads. I think it all comes down to expectations.
I am someone who LOVES to look forward to things. I create these exciting little experiences in my head that I play out before even really experiencing them. Its fun, it gets me through my day, and I thrive on the enthusiasm of it. I am realizing, however, it is unrealistic to expect people in my life to live up to this tiny world that exists in my head.
So, what is my point? Each of us are different, and that is what makes love, life and creating life with someone so beautiful and mysterious. We don't know what is around the corner, and we cannot expect that our partners will know either. We need to communicate from a place of indifference with people, with a calm curiosity for another point of view, and appreciate that they come from a different place. This is how we grow and learn to become better people. Recognize that the only person who knows what you need, is YOU. Remember that you have all the tools to fill every need that you have, and the rest is all the icing.
Someone once told me that we shouldn't take life too seriously because none of us make it out alive anyway. At the end of it all, I want to look back on a beautiful, unexpected, mysterious dance that I created with the people and person that I love and the pieces of life I took from each one. We are the only ones in charge of our own happiness, and everyday it is a choice.
My choice is to journey on, love from a place that is completely selfless and expect only the unexpected.
